PRAISE YOUR WAY THROUGH

Just before I was about to leave for the day, Clyde called.  He wanted to know if I was feeling better.   I told him after our conversation that I was hopeful.  It put my heart at ease to know that he was concerned and was praying for me and Leon.  I thanked him for being there for me…again.   

It was a relief that we could put that one sordid incident aside and still remain friends.  I still can’t believe I allowed my flesh to get the best of me.  But I now realized that I’m not beyond temptation and that no matter how saved you think you are, you still have to pray without ceasing.
 
When I arrived home, my plan was to cook dinner and get the kids in the bed as quickly as possible.  I wanted to have a heart-to-heart with Leon without any interruptions.  Getting the kids to bed was no easy task.  Indya cried for her daddy and Kelsey couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t let him play a few more games on his Play Station 3.  But with much coaxing and a bribe of five dollars a piece, they finally went willingly.
 
Now I was alone with my thoughts.  I paced the floor and rehearsed in my mind the words I would say to Leon.  Outside I heard Leon drive up.  This was it!  I silently said a prayer.  I was seated at the dining room table when he came into the house.

“Hey,” Leon announced his presence.
“Hi Leon.  How was your day?”  I asked.  I could smell the oil from the engines he had worked on at the shop and it was visible on the overalls he was wearing. 
“Same ole, same ole,” he answered. 
“Are you hungry?  I have a plate for you in the microwave.”
“No thanks, I don’t want anything,” he said walking upstairs.
“Leon, could I please talk to you before you go upstairs?”
He stopped and turned around.
“Come have a seat here with me.”  I patted the chair next to me. 
He slowly walked over and took a seat.  “What’s this all about, Sheila?  I’m really tired and don’t feel like getting into it tonight.”
“I only wanted to talk with you.”
“About?”
“Us.”
“What about us?” he sighed.
“Well, things haven’t been the best between us lately and I wanted to talk about it.”
“What’s there to talk about?”
“Well, Leon things can’t go on like this.  I wanted to discuss the possibility of things being better, being like they used to be when we first met.”
“Sheila, be realistic.  How are things going to be the same as when we first met?  We didn’t have children back then, we didn’t have a high monthly mortgage, we didn’t have two car notes, and I certainly didn’t have you trying to be my mother back then.”
“Leon, I never tried to be your mother.”
“Please!  You’re always quick to tell me what I did wrong and how it should have been done.”
“But that’s my way of helping you.”
“Well news flash Sheila:  I don’t need your help on how to be a man!”  He shouted.
I could have fired back at him, that is if he was such a man, then I wouldn’t have to always tell him how things should be done, but I knew it would only make matters worse.
“I apologize.  I didn’t know I was coming off like that.”  I reached over and grabbed his hand.  “Leon, I want us to be happy again.  I’m willing to try if you are.”
He didn’t respond and I was concerned.  I searched his face looking for answers.  I found none, so I went out on a limb. 
“Leon, do you want to save our marriage?” 
He didn’t say anything for a few moments; it was as though he was digging deep in his mind for just the right words to say.
“Sheila, you are the first woman I truly ever loved.  I never knew love or was shown love before you.  You changed my whole world.  I tried in every way to live up to your expectations, but always seemed to fail.  I just don’t want to fail anymore.”  He said with sadness in his eyes.
I was touched and for the first time I seen the scared little boy masquerading as a man.  How could I have missed that all these years?
“Leon, don’t you know by now that we are as one.  So if you fail, I also fail.  Neither one of us can do it alone.  That’s why it’s crucial that we work together.  I need you, Leon, as my husband, my protector, my covering and my shield.  I need to know that you have my back and that you will be there when all others have abandoned me, that you’ll be my lover and my friend.  I need to know that we’ll stand together, you and me against the world.  I need you to be the man I married.”
Leon’s expression changed with my last statement.
“The man you married!  Contrary to what you may think wherever, I am, I am always the man!”  He stomped out of the room, leaving me alone…again.  But this time I followed him.  Up the stairs we both went, until we reached our bedroom.

“You know what Leon, I’ve had enough of you always playing the victim.  Every time I try to talk to you about us, you want to lay the blame on me.  You say I am forever trying to change you and telling you how to be a man.  Maybe if you were the man you were supposed to be and devoted as much time to this family as you did to your precious car or that shop, I wouldn’t have anything to complain about.”
“And maybe if you shut your mouth long enough and let me do what I’m going to do the way I want to do it, things would be different around here.  Maybe you need to wake up and realize that the world does not revolve around you.  There are other people in this universe with needs besides Sheila.  You know I lied to you about where I was this past weekend.  I didn’t go fishing.  I went to a men’s retreat with Al searching for ways to be a better husband to you.  But I don’t think that’s even possible.”  Leon shouted and turned to leave the room.
I jumped in front of him.
“Sheila, move out of my way or I’ll move you myself!”
I’ve seen that anger in his eyes before so I voluntarily stepped aside.  Once he was downstairs, I heard him punch a wall.  He was mad beyond consolation now.  Anything I said or did at this point would only make matters worse.  So I stayed upstairs where it was safe.  I knew I was in for a long night.